Sunday, September 30, 2012


As I walked down the busy sidewalk with my wife, knowing I was late for Mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, ragged vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike , who always admonished me to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying her treasured worldly possessions in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person ' s condition.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.

A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out, reach out and touch this person!"

So I did.

I won ' t be at Mass this week.

Saturday, September 29, 2012


contributed by Nick V

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all  mankind made.."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered,  "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, " Mom , how is it possible that
you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from
monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my
side of the family and your father told you about his."

Friday, September 28, 2012


Contributed by Nick V.

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash with his best friend, Wylie Post, was probably the greatest political sage this country ever has known.
Enjoy the following:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3.. There are two theories to arguing with a woman . . Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Thursday, September 27, 2012


Contributed by Nick V.

Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


Contributed by Nick V

His name was Bubba, he was from Mississippi ... And he
needed a loan, So... He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan Officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an International redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the South for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni from Ole Miss University , a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire wit real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater , Texas . What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"
His name was BUBBA....
Keep an eye on those southern boys! Just because we talk funny does not mean we are stupid.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Contributed by Nick V
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

This catches the Seniors attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the Seniors turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Don't mess with seniors!

Monday, September 24, 2012


Contributed by Nick V.

There's an old sea story about a ship's Captainwho inspected his sailors, and afterward told
the first mate that his men smelled bad.
The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.

The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"
The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain
thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear."

He continued,"Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski,
and Brown, you change with Schultz."

Someone may come along and promise
but don't count on things smelling any better.

Sunday, September 23, 2012


Contributed by Carol I.

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling..

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

Saturday, September 22, 2012


Contributed by Nick V.

Here's MOONING You!

The people who thought up, posed and

took these photos are Very Clever!

~~enjoy, the pictures are beautiful


Friday, September 21, 2012


Contributed by Nick V.

Here's MOONING You!

The people who thought up, posed and

took these photos are Very Clever!

~~enjoy, the pictures are beautiful


Thursday, September 20, 2012


Contributed by Nick V.

Here's MOONING You!

The people who thought up, posed and

took these photos are Very Clever!

~~enjoy, the pictures are beautiful

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


Contributed by Nick V.

Here's MOONING You!

The people who thought up, posed and

took these photos are Very Clever!

~~enjoy, the pictures are beautiful


Tuesday, September 18, 2012


Contributed by Randy R.

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last.............

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Monday, September 17, 2012


Contributed by Eileen Roth
It's a voicemail message of a man describing a car accident involving four elderly ladies ... message is less than 2 minutes.

There's just no way you can listen to this without laughing. This man should have been a sports commentator. Oh, this is great.


Sunday, September 16, 2012


In church, while reverently preparing for the service, I heard a sweet little old lady, sitting next to me in the pew, quietly whispering a prayer. It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share it with you. She said,

"Dear LORD, this has been a tough three or four years ...
You have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze,
my favorite musician Michael Jackson,
my favorite salesman Billy Mays,
my favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor,
my favorite singer Whitney Houston,
my favorite announcer Dick Clark and now
my favorite queen of disco Donna Summers.
I just wanted you to know that my favorite politician is Barack Obama.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Friday, September 14, 2012

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.  When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the curtain rods.

He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at
first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in
to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.. Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a
huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex-called the woman and asked how things were going. She
told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that
he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was,
she agreed on a price that was only 1/10 nth of what the house had been worth ... but only if he would sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the
completed paperwork.

A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they
watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ......

and to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods!


Tuesday, September 11, 2012


Note:  Click Image to enlarge it.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Sunday, September 9, 2012


Contributed by Nick V.

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10..'
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.' Genesis 3:10 reads, '“I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

Saturday, September 8, 2012


Contributed by Mary R.

The Quiz Reveals your favorite movie!!

I am very good at math, so I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities.

Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite movie EVER!

cheat and scroll down to the movies. Do YOUR math, THEN compare the results to the list of movies at the bottom

You will be AMAZED
at how scary true and accurate this test is

1. Pick a number from 1-9.

2. Multiply that number by 3.

3. Add 3.

4. Multiply by 3 again.

5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below:

Movie List:

1. Gone With the Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama Farewell Speech of 2012
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire

Now, isn't that something?

Friday, September 7, 2012