Monday, May 31, 2010


The bus stopped and it was Mary’s turn to get on. She quickly became aware her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt --- just a little more --- and for the second time attempted the step. Much to her chagrin, she still could not raise her leg.

With another embarrassed little smile to the driver, she reached behind to unzip yet a little more and STILL was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

Mary went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'

The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you. But, after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.'

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


One way to solve a dilemma...

A Lay-off letter from an excellent boss.

Dear Employees:
As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.

To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%. But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead.

This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.

So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty 'Obama' bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change...... I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.



Those damn hunters finally tracked down the Cookie Monster.

See, I thought she was that bitch, but I wasn’t sure.

How about we use the money for the $8 a pound deli ham for ummm, I don’t know, how about pants?

Who wears two pairs of jeans and has an insatiable thirst for Wild Cherry Pepsi? This guy.

Holy golden F-bombs, I need that outfit.

Monday, May 24, 2010


Normally he would have to take his shirt off to take a crap, but not now!!

Wal-Mart. For those times when you just can’t wait for the bleach to set. You need fried okra and chicken strips now. Wal-Mart.

Brooke Hogan’s hip hop career has had more devastating effects on her father than anyone could have reasonably imagined.

Which button’s gonna move me out of my parent’s house?

Putting this ass in camo pants is like trying to hide an elephant behind a Kia.

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Jessie, I’m pretty sure they test for crack here.

Is that dude’s ass winking at me?

So these two are picking out costumes so they can dress “silly” for Halloween. Yep.

"This might be enough fabric for my do-rag..."

"No way, the red mohawk totally does not make you look fat Leticia."

Saturday, May 22, 2010


Cut off mom jeans and a bikini top. Is it getting hot in here?

Man the ice cream aisle sure is drafty.

The 4 XL jacket with a panoramic landscape print looks very slimming on you.

Not fair to tease someone who gives shelter to so many homeless raccoons

If GI Joe and Little Richard had a baby...

Friday, May 21, 2010


It's wear your little sister's jeans to WalMart day. Somewhere there is a button screaming. I have a strange craving for muffins.

"I will have one chicken wing, one corn dog, one french fry, one fish stick and can you please mix them all up in the same bag? Thanks."

Carrot Top's illegitimate son buying bologna, thinly sliced of course.

Apparently someone's been dealing crack in the parking lot...

Worst. Luau. Ever.