Tuesday, April 30, 2013

OVERDOSE VICTIMS - 2

Contributed by Mike G.










Monday, April 29, 2013

OVERDOSE VICTIMS - 1

Contributed by Mike G.













Sunday, April 28, 2013

BIBLE SALES

 A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles.  While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louie stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Jack!", the minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."

Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the Church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I am a professional salesman.. I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected."

The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?" Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?. Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?"

Louie just nodded. That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could." "Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister! agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ------o-o-o-or-------- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??"

Saturday, April 27, 2013

A FRIEND NEEDS HELP

Contributed by Mike G.
 
I'm reaching out because a friend of mine needs some help !!!!

His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.

When he came back, he tossed her some diet pills.

Anyway, now he's looking for a place to live.

Can you help him ????

Friday, April 26, 2013

FUN PLACES TO GO

Contributed by Mike G
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

 
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

 
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

 
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

 
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

 
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

 
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

 
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart!
At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

 
I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.

 
PLEASE DO YOUR PART! Today is one of the many National Mental Health Days throughout the year.
You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person.

 
My job is done!

 
Life is too short for negative drama & petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!
From one unstable person to another... I hope everyone is happy in your head - we're all doing pretty good in mine!
Remembering your age so I have sent this in large print.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

MORE FUNNY PICS - 4

Contributed by Mike G.


















Wednesday, April 24, 2013

MORE FUNNY PICS - 3

Contributed by Mike G.














Tuesday, April 23, 2013

MORE FUNNY PICS - 2

Contributed by Mike G.














Monday, April 22, 2013

MORE FUNNY PICS - 1

Contributed by Mike G.














Sunday, April 21, 2013

A RABBI AND A PRIEST

Contributed by Rick O
 
 
 
 
Priest and a Rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the Priest turned to the Rabbi and asked, Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?
The Rabbi responded, Yes, that is still one of our laws.
The Priest then asked, Have you ever eaten pork?
To which the Rabbi replied, Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.
The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?
The Priest replied, Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.
The Rabbi then asked him, Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?
The Priest replied, Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my faith.
The Rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the Rabbi said, Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?

Saturday, April 20, 2013

FUNNY ANIMAL PICS - 6

Contributed by Mike G.





























Friday, April 19, 2013

FUNNY ANIMAL PICS - 5

Contributed by Mike G.


























Thursday, April 18, 2013

FUNNY ANIMAL PICS - 4

Contributed by Mike G.


























Wednesday, April 17, 2013

FUNNY ANIMAL PICS - 3

Contributed by Mike G.