Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
BOOBIES
so what did you think you were going to see......
it's HALLOWEEN time :-)
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
IRISH GHOST STORY
This happened in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred
> > Hitchcock
> > story, it's true.
> >
> >
> >
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. No cars were traveling that night. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stop. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road. So, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to the pub.
Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and....wasn't drunk.
Suddenly the door opened and two other people walked in from the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other..."Look Paddy...there's that idiot that got in the car while we were pushin' it!!"
> > Hitchcock
> > story, it's true.
> >
> >
> >
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. No cars were traveling that night. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stop. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road. So, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to the pub.
Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and....wasn't drunk.
Suddenly the door opened and two other people walked in from the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other..."Look Paddy...there's that idiot that got in the car while we were pushin' it!!"
Monday, October 24, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
CALL FROM HELL
| George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it's for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check. Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he's finished, the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00. When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply. The devil smiles and replies, "Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call." | ||
|
Saturday, October 22, 2011
INDIAN WANTING COFFEE
Contributed by Carol I.
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:
"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
Causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
Another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
The waiter:
"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says,
"Training for position in United States Congress.
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:
"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
Causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
Another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
The waiter:
"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says,
"Training for position in United States Congress.
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, Disappear for rest of day."
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
KIDS IN CHURCH
Contributed by Julie C.
3-year-old Reese :
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular four-year-old prayed,
'And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied,
'Because people are sleeping.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand..
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'
3-year-old Reese :
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular four-year-old prayed,
'And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied,
'Because people are sleeping.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand..
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
THE STORM
Contributed by Carol I.
They were together in the House.
Just the two of them.
It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly
and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.
She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and
wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the storm.
Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out... She screamed...
He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.
He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.
He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back.
He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.
The storm raged on...
They knew it was wrong...
Their families would never understand.... So consumed were
they in their FEAR that they heard no opening of doors...
just the faint click of a camera......
They were together in the House.
Just the two of them.
It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly
and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.
She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and
wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the storm.
Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out... She screamed...
He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.
He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.
He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back.
He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.
The storm raged on...
They knew it was wrong...
Their families would never understand.... So consumed were
they in their FEAR that they heard no opening of doors...
just the faint click of a camera......
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
FIRST PERIOD
Contributed by Carol I.
Be sure to watch the poor guy on the far right hand side.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/ed64755ab1/her-first-period
Be sure to watch the poor guy on the far right hand side.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/ed64755ab1/her-first-period
Monday, October 17, 2011
2010 DRIVER AWARDS
10TH PLACE:
9TH PLACE:
8TH PLACE:
7TH PLACE:
6TH PLACE:
5TH PLACE:
4TH PLACE:
THE BRONZ MEDAL WINNER:
THE SILVER MEDAL WINNER:
[Helmet is backwards]
................... and
finally, here is our 2010 Drivers Awards
THE GOLD MEDAL WINNER:
How the...?!?
Oh never mind... CONGRATULATIONS ! !
This concludes the 2010 Drivers Awards Ceremony
Thanks to all our contestants for giving us all a reason to laugh & smile.
9TH PLACE:
8TH PLACE:
7TH PLACE:
6TH PLACE:
5TH PLACE:
4TH PLACE:
THE BRONZ MEDAL WINNER:
THE SILVER MEDAL WINNER:
................... and
finally, here is our 2010 Drivers Awards
THE GOLD MEDAL WINNER:
How the...?!?
Oh never mind... CONGRATULATIONS ! !
This concludes the 2010 Drivers Awards Ceremony
Thanks to all our contestants for giving us all a reason to laugh & smile.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
WILL YOU HELP?
Contributed by Rick O.
Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in
our generation. We have banded together to overcome adversity. We have
weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas,
corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges,
droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of
economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come
together once again to overcome one of our greatest challenges yet.
Hundreds of Professional Basketball players in our very own nation are going
to be locked out, living at well below their seven-figure salary level. And
as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life
sustaining pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the
current lockout situation. But you can help!
For only $27,080 a month, about $902.75 a day (that's less than the cost of
a large screen projection TV) you can help an NBA player remain economically
viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the
problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and
every little bit will help!
Although $900 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a basketball player
it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida
or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, nine hundred dollars is nothing more
than a month's rent, a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance,
but to a basketball player, $900 will partially replace his daily salary.
Your commitment of less than $900 a day will enable a player to buy that
home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or
enjoy a weekend in Rio.
HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you
sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate,
and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon
signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the
player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean
(for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on
your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.
HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?
Your NBA player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to
help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be
able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case
additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.
Remember, a lifestyle is a horrible thing to waste...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
YES, I WANT TO HELP!
I would like to sponsor a locked out NBA player.
Please charge the account listed below $902.75 per day for the duration of
the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player and my very own David Stern
(NBA Commissioner) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for
hat).
Your Name: ____________________Telephone Number: ___________________
Account Number: __________________Exp.Date:_______
[ ] Master Card [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Signature: _______________________
Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] Maste rCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Signature: ______________________
Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in
our generation. We have banded together to overcome adversity. We have
weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas,
corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges,
droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of
economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come
together once again to overcome one of our greatest challenges yet.
Hundreds of Professional Basketball players in our very own nation are going
to be locked out, living at well below their seven-figure salary level. And
as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life
sustaining pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the
current lockout situation. But you can help!
For only $27,080 a month, about $902.75 a day (that's less than the cost of
a large screen projection TV) you can help an NBA player remain economically
viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the
problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and
every little bit will help!
Although $900 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a basketball player
it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida
or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, nine hundred dollars is nothing more
than a month's rent, a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance,
but to a basketball player, $900 will partially replace his daily salary.
Your commitment of less than $900 a day will enable a player to buy that
home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or
enjoy a weekend in Rio.
HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you
sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate,
and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon
signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the
player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean
(for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on
your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.
HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?
Your NBA player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to
help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be
able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case
additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.
Remember, a lifestyle is a horrible thing to waste...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
YES, I WANT TO HELP!
I would like to sponsor a locked out NBA player.
Please charge the account listed below $902.75 per day for the duration of
the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player and my very own David Stern
(NBA Commissioner) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for
hat).
Your Name: ____________________Telephone Number: ___________________
Account Number: __________________Exp.Date:_______
[ ] Master Card [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Signature: _______________________
Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] Maste rCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Signature: ______________________
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
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