TODAYS COLLEGE STUDENTS

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today. 

The people who are starting college this fall  were born in 1995.

 

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.


Their lifetime has always included AIDS.


The CD was introduced four years before they were born.

 

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.. 

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been microwaved .
                                  
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They don't know who Mork was or Mindy or where they were from...

They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel ', or 'de plane Boss, de plane'.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

I TOOK MY WIFE TO A RESTAURANT

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

IRISH OR ITALIAN POPE

Contributed by Carol I

IRISH OR ITALIAN ...                          There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born inItaly.   Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.   Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a wee cut above Timothy Murphyin all respects.                          Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the next Pope.                          In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.  The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn thatTimothy Murphy had been elected Pope!                       Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated,because even with all of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew he was just a bit better qualified.  With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked:"Why Timothy ?"                          After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply.   "We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called POPE SE-COLA !