WHEN I WAS YOUNG

Contributed by Julie C

When I was young I used to pray for a bicycle.

Then I realized that God doesn't work that way.

So I stole a bicycle and prayed for forgiveness.

WHEN I WAS YOUNG

Contributed by Julice C.

When I was young I used to pray for a bicycle. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bicycle and prayed for forgiveness.

POOPED IN HALLWAY

GOOD BOY! !

CLASS I V HITCH INSTALL (patent pending)

Contributed by Steve S.


Wouldn't you love to see how the trip went...? Good chance he ended up doin' some unintended off roadin' somewhere.

Check the 'hills' in the background.

Howja like to meet this rig on a two-lane road....coming down the mountain in your direction....power steering works real good now.

She's hitched up and ready to roll!!

Amazin' how the extra weight smoothes out the ride.

Needed to air up the rear tires a bit ('bout 160 psi).

Added some super heavy-duty chain for extra support on the tailgate, (note the 'Heavy-Duty 'S' hooks to attach the chain)

Also paid-up for some BIG Number 5/16 sheet metal screws to attach the Reese hitch frame to the tailgate (see 'em there? one on each side...)

Likely two more through the carpet into the floor pan inside....

Yep, probably overkill, but didn't want the possibility of having an axerdent.

Most of the time was spent on the front porch whittling down that MASSIVE solid pine 4x4 to fit precisely down into the hole in the ball mount receiver.

Note also - The 14'x14' piece of 3/8' plywood on the underside of the tailgate to distribute the load more evenly and beef up that tailgate support.

'A MAN CAN'T BE TOO SAFE'...!!
They are out there, folks....... and they 'REPRODUCE'!

BIG REDNECK WEDDIN'

Contributed by Carol I.


It all started out with me pickin up my blushin' bride in ma daddy's limo down to the 7 Eleven when she got off work.

My pappy ran down to the Burger King to pick up some reception viddles.

I took my blushin' bride to a place where she could get dressed up and all.

My bride was having problems with a worked up stomach, if you know what I mean, so we had the preacher meet us at the outhouse for the ceremony.

Afterward, Pappy took a picture of my bride by her new tractor.
It was a weddin' gift from our uncle.

Now that the ceremony was done, it was time to celebrate. We had lots a fun after the weddin at the big shindig... Granny had the cooler all stocked up..

Bubba dragged out the grill.

Hubert brung his portable grill too.

 Cousin Lester went ta roastin up some hotdogs.

 

 

 

Meanwhile everyone enjoyed some yard games.

Fat Hattie tosses her hoss shoe pretty good.

Cousin Lemule is an ace at hoss shoes.

Cleetus wins at hoss shoes.

Bobbin fer pigsfeet

He gots himself a pigs foot!

Clem lightin up the Barbeque

Cusin Weeble and Lowside showin off their LTD restoration

Billywayne brung his new huntin rifle ta try out.

Ol lady winnin the Budweiser pull!

Some Ol ladys rasslin in the pond.

Mama Hortense restin after rasslin in the pond.

Poppa Ray tried ta get us some more fried chicken in town.

Gennielee showin off her new boob job.

Some of the fellas went water skiin'.

The Hatfield girls brought their guns, jest in case.

When all the fun was over, I took my bride to our honeymoon suite.

After the honeymoon we moved to our beautiful waterfront condo.

POPCORN

SANTA IN THE SUMMER

EVER WONDER WHAT
SANTA
LOOKS LIKE IN THE
SUMMERTIME ???
.
SCROLL DOWN

VOW OF SILENCE

Contributed by Julie C


At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence.

One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, "I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!" Then he sat down. Silence ensued for 365 days.

The next Christmas, Brother Michael got his turn, and said, "I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I truly despise them!" Once again, silence ensued for 365 days.

The following Christmas, Brother Paul rose and said, "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"

FAT STICKMEN

LET'S EAT GRANDPA

DOG POOP

BBQ RULES

New Standard Operating Procedures released today please learn

BBQ RULES We are well into the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - adult beverage in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another adult beverage while he flips the meat.

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN..

More routine.......
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

DOG NAMED STAY

SPENT PAYCHECK

Contributed by Julie C.

Wife: Okay, today's Friday. Where's your pay envelope? Man: I already spent all my pay. I bought something for the house. Wife: What? What could you buy for the house that cost $480? Man: Eight rounds of drinks.

PERILS OF A CATHOLIC UPBRINGING

Perils of a Catholic Upbringing

As I walked down the busy sidewalk with my wife, knowing I was late for Mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, ragged vagabonds that are found in every city these days.



Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.



Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike , who always admonished me to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying her treasured worldly possessions in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person ' s condition.


Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.



A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out, reach out and touch this person!"

 

 

So I did. 

I won't be at Mass this week.

CREPE

CANNING

BUGLES

ANNOYANCE