THE LATEST HOT CHRISTMAS PRESENT

Contributed by Rick O.

The latest toy has just hit the shops - a talking Muslim doll.
Nobody knows what the hell it says cause no one's got the balls to pull the cord.

CHRISTMAS MUSIC FOR THE MENTALLY DISTURBED

HAPPY NEW YEAR! ! ! !

Cont. by Mary C.


* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

* 5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Windows and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, ...

* 11. Suicidal - Over the River and Through the Woods and Off the Bridge I Go

* 12. Homicidal - Grandma Got Run Over by My John Deere Tractor

* 13. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

* 14. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

* 15. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

* 16. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate



MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR ! !

THOSE CHRISTMAS STOCKINGS

MERRY CHRISTMAS! !

THIS SAVES OUR FORESTS

AMISH CHRISTMAS LIGHTS

These are amazing!


Scroll down to see the Amish Christmas lights.

You know very well that the Amish don't use electricity....

Now get back to work!

CHRISTMAS CARD

Merry Christmas From our Home Computer to yours !!


Click HERE for your Christmas card

12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

These guys are AMAZING! ! !


Excellent a cappella ... Straight No Chaser - 12 Days ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8

FRUITCAKE DEPRESSION

HOLIDAY MESSAGE

Due to increasing age, forgetfulness, and my decreasing ability to send cards on time, here is my card to cover every Holiday ..

Happy Friggin Everything!

THE AMERICAN COLLEGE STUDENT

From the Chicago Tribune, January 2010

For nature lovers, this season has brought the appearance of a special
species, homo studentus universitatus, a.k.a. the college student on
Christmas break.

This highly social creature, which travels in packs and leaves a trail
of unwashed dishes, is apparently drawn to return every winter to its
parental nest. Researchers speculate that it is attracted to
large-screen TVs, down comforters and a ready supply of food.

The initial arrival of homo studentus in late December is heralded by
the appearance of a large pile of dirty laundry. This is followed by
other piles of shoes and clothes, as the denim-rumped primate marks its
territory by covering all flat surfaces with its possessions. Within
days, the floor of its den is nearly impassable, though interestingly,
the creature itself seems not to notice.

It generally remains in its winter habitat through mid-January,
displaying the characteristics that make it a particularly intriguing
form of wildlife.

A nocturnal animal, homo studentus is rarely glimpsed before
mid-afternoon. Observers are warned: Do not attempt to disturb it before
it awakens, as it can become hostile.

Once it begins to stir, it generally moves slowly to the vicinity of a
television and a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. Again, do not approach it;
at this point the creature appears to be unable to engage in
conversation or even to hear sounds such as requests to walk the dog.

By late afternoon, however, homo studentus becomes fully conscious and
begins to interact with other members of its species.

Homo studentus communicates largely by using its opposable thumbs for
texting. The species social structure is complex and communal.
Individuals gather in collectives, similar to hives, with different
individuals fulfilling sp cific roles. One may buy the beer; another may
surf YouTube for funny videos of animals.

They will often congregate on sofas in family rooms, burrowing
underneath fleece throws and blankets. The pack can grow so large and
dense that it may be difficult to discern which feet belong to which
body. Observers trying to track the populations are advised to count
heads.

Homo studentus is an extremely intelligent species, judging by the
creatures GPAs, their verbal interactions and their speed with answers
to "Jeopardy!" However, scientists are puzzled by their inability to
fold blankets or put dishes into a dishwasher. It may be that their
brains have evolved to specialize in such tasks as remembering lines
from movies and applying to graduate school, to the detriment of those
parts of the brain that are involved in such tasks as hanging clothes in
a closet.

They appear to be cold-blooded, judging by the levels at which they set
the thermostat. On the other hand, their preference for indoor heat may
be a function of not paying for utilities.

Those who hope to observe this species closely can attract them by
providing the right environment. Set out feeders, e.g. pizzas. Scatter
indoor areas with pillows. Provide premium cable channels and potato
chips. Stay out of sight and dont touch the remote.

You may not always see the creatures themselves, particularly if you
sleep at night. Some people have gone days without seeing the examples
of homo studentus that have taken up residence in their homes. Be
patient, and look for signs: A profusion of hair-care products in your
bathroom, perhaps, or tire tracks in the snow on your front lawn.
Eventually, even the most elusive of the creatures will show themselves,
if only to ask you to buy more Honey Nut Cheerios.

The rewards of the species visit are substantial -- a window into a
complex society, happy noise in a quiet house, an impressive library of
funny animal videos and the way your credit card feels so vibrantly
alive. Indeed, many wildlife watchers are reluctant to see the creatures
depart, and abandon their roles as observers to hug and kiss the
creatures.

But the homo studentus season is brief. No matter how much the creatures
have enjoyed the family nest and the use of their own bathrooms, they
will soon return to college. Nature lovers must put away their
binoculars, turn down the thermostat and bide their time until spring
migration.

CHRISTMAS BLESSINGS

Click on the link below.


The Christmas Tree - animated Flash ecard by Jacquie Lawson

A DOGGY CHRISTMAS SURPRISE

A doggy Christmas surprise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUtPKbMwnRo

LITTLE JOHNNY

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

CHRISTMAS STAMPS