MEN WHO LACK ADULT SUPERVISION - 5

Contributed by Polly H.

MEN WHO LACK ADULT SUPERVISION - 4

Contributed by Polly H.

MEN WHO LACK ADULT SUPERVISION - 3

Contributed by Polly H.

MEN WHO LACK ADULT SUPERVISION - 2

Contributed by Polly H.

MEN WHO LACK ADULT SUPERVISION - 1

Contributed by Polly H.

THOSE CHRISTMAS STOCKINGS

MERRY CHRISTMAS! !

THIS SAVES OUR FORESTS

AMISH CHRISTMAS LIGHTS

These are amazing!


Scroll down to see the Amish Christmas lights.

You know very well that the Amish don't use electricity....

Now get back to work!

CHRISTMAS CARD

Merry Christmas From our Home Computer to yours !!


Click HERE for your Christmas card

12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

These guys are AMAZING! ! !


Excellent a cappella ... Straight No Chaser - 12 Days ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8

FRUITCAKE DEPRESSION

HOLIDAY MESSAGE

Due to increasing age, forgetfulness, and my decreasing ability to send cards on time, here is my card to cover every Holiday ..

Happy Friggin Everything!

MORE ON COLONOSCOPIES

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all:
13.. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

BLONDE TEST

Okay.........here it is. A test to see if your brain is still working.
Which one do you think is the blonde?




Scroll down.

Amazing.. I did notSee it before..

The Blonde is the one with the wrong leg up.

That is OK I did not Pass the test EITHER!!!!

AGING IS TERRIBLE - 2

AGING IS TERRIBLE - 1

AT OUR AGE - 2

AT OUR AGE - 1

THE AMERICAN COLLEGE STUDENT

From the Chicago Tribune, January 2010

For nature lovers, this season has brought the appearance of a special
species, homo studentus universitatus, a.k.a. the college student on
Christmas break.

This highly social creature, which travels in packs and leaves a trail
of unwashed dishes, is apparently drawn to return every winter to its
parental nest. Researchers speculate that it is attracted to
large-screen TVs, down comforters and a ready supply of food.

The initial arrival of homo studentus in late December is heralded by
the appearance of a large pile of dirty laundry. This is followed by
other piles of shoes and clothes, as the denim-rumped primate marks its
territory by covering all flat surfaces with its possessions. Within
days, the floor of its den is nearly impassable, though interestingly,
the creature itself seems not to notice.

It generally remains in its winter habitat through mid-January,
displaying the characteristics that make it a particularly intriguing
form of wildlife.

A nocturnal animal, homo studentus is rarely glimpsed before
mid-afternoon. Observers are warned: Do not attempt to disturb it before
it awakens, as it can become hostile.

Once it begins to stir, it generally moves slowly to the vicinity of a
television and a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. Again, do not approach it;
at this point the creature appears to be unable to engage in
conversation or even to hear sounds such as requests to walk the dog.

By late afternoon, however, homo studentus becomes fully conscious and
begins to interact with other members of its species.

Homo studentus communicates largely by using its opposable thumbs for
texting. The species social structure is complex and communal.
Individuals gather in collectives, similar to hives, with different
individuals fulfilling sp cific roles. One may buy the beer; another may
surf YouTube for funny videos of animals.

They will often congregate on sofas in family rooms, burrowing
underneath fleece throws and blankets. The pack can grow so large and
dense that it may be difficult to discern which feet belong to which
body. Observers trying to track the populations are advised to count
heads.

Homo studentus is an extremely intelligent species, judging by the
creatures GPAs, their verbal interactions and their speed with answers
to "Jeopardy!" However, scientists are puzzled by their inability to
fold blankets or put dishes into a dishwasher. It may be that their
brains have evolved to specialize in such tasks as remembering lines
from movies and applying to graduate school, to the detriment of those
parts of the brain that are involved in such tasks as hanging clothes in
a closet.

They appear to be cold-blooded, judging by the levels at which they set
the thermostat. On the other hand, their preference for indoor heat may
be a function of not paying for utilities.

Those who hope to observe this species closely can attract them by
providing the right environment. Set out feeders, e.g. pizzas. Scatter
indoor areas with pillows. Provide premium cable channels and potato
chips. Stay out of sight and dont touch the remote.

You may not always see the creatures themselves, particularly if you
sleep at night. Some people have gone days without seeing the examples
of homo studentus that have taken up residence in their homes. Be
patient, and look for signs: A profusion of hair-care products in your
bathroom, perhaps, or tire tracks in the snow on your front lawn.
Eventually, even the most elusive of the creatures will show themselves,
if only to ask you to buy more Honey Nut Cheerios.

The rewards of the species visit are substantial -- a window into a
complex society, happy noise in a quiet house, an impressive library of
funny animal videos and the way your credit card feels so vibrantly
alive. Indeed, many wildlife watchers are reluctant to see the creatures
depart, and abandon their roles as observers to hug and kiss the
creatures.

But the homo studentus season is brief. No matter how much the creatures
have enjoyed the family nest and the use of their own bathrooms, they
will soon return to college. Nature lovers must put away their
binoculars, turn down the thermostat and bide their time until spring
migration.

ELDERLY FARMER

An elderly manin Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnictables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for awhile,and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bringback some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women from the local college skinny-dipping in his pond.

He said "hi" so as not to scare them and makethem aware of his presence and they all swam over to the deepend.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out of this pond until after you leave."

The old manfrowned, "I didn't come downhere to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked...." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Some dirty old men can still think pretty fast.

GOLFERS ARE A STRANGE BREED - 2

Police were called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know -- five, six, maybe seven times.....just
put me down for a five."


%%%%%%%%%%%

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found it and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"

The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?"

%%%%%%%%%%%

The bride was escorted down the aisle. When she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

GOLFERS ARE A STRANGE BREED - 1

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly
she collapses from a heart attack!

"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for minute,
picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises
her head off the green and stares at him.

"I'm dying here and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they
found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to
help you.

"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she
asks feebly.

"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's
already agreed to let him play through."

%%%%%%%%%%%

A reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular,
your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You
really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"

Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered."

%%%%%%


A young man and a priest are playing together. It's a short Par-3.

The priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"

The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"

The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our heads down."

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES
· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.

EATING OUT
· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
· The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
· A woman has the last word in any argument.
· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
· A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
· A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
· A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

CONFUCIUS SAY. . . . .

Confucius Says:


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Man who run in front of car get tired.


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Man who run behind Car get exhausted.


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Man with one Chopstick go hungry.



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Man who scratch butt Should not bite fingernails.



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Man who eat many Prunes get good run for money.



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War does not Determine who is right, war determine who is Left.



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Wife who put Husband in doghouse soon find him in Cathouse.



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Man who drive like Hell, bound to get there..



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Man who live in Glass house should change clothes in Basement.



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Crowded elevator Smell different to midget.


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CHIPPENDALE'S 30TH REUNION

Coming to your town soon:



Can you believe it???
It's been 30 years since these HOT Men came dancing into your lives.

Then it all went wrong!!
SEE CHIPPENDALES
30TH
REUNION...

Sometimes life isn't fair!