Click on the webiste below:
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1mGpyY/freespace.virgin.net/markr.rowe/fb-history/fb-history.htm
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE
Contributed by Nick V.
This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me... Call (404) ***-**** and ask for Annie, I'll be waiting.....
(scroll down)
(scroll down)
Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society.
This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me... Call (404) ***-**** and ask for Annie, I'll be waiting.....
(scroll down)
(scroll down)
Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society.
Monday, February 27, 2012
THE PILOT AND THE PRIEST
Contributed by Nick V
The Pilot and the Priest
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him
is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket,
and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know
whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? '
The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.'
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take
this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot
goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am
Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this
cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.
'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he
gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood.
How can this be?
'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached -
people slept. When he flew, people prayed.'
The Pilot and the Priest
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him
is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket,
and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know
whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? '
The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.'
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take
this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot
goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am
Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this
cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.
'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he
gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood.
How can this be?
'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached -
people slept. When he flew, people prayed.'
Sunday, February 26, 2012
MERGERS
Contriibuted by Nick V.
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected
mergers so you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks!
Watch for these consolidations in 2012:
1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace
2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner, Cracker.
3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.
4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa
5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild.
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants
and finally,
8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will
become: Knott NOW!
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected
mergers so you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks!
Watch for these consolidations in 2012:
1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace
2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner, Cracker.
3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.
4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa
5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild.
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants
and finally,
8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will
become: Knott NOW!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
APHORISM
Contributed by Nick V.
APHORISM: a short, pointed sentence expressing a wise or clever observation or general truth.
|
Friday, February 24, 2012
PLACES I HAVE AND HAVE NOT BEEN
Contributed by Carol I
|
Thursday, February 23, 2012
MINISTERS 5 YEAR OLD SON
Contributed by Dan S.
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper
burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton wool,
then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always
said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he
goooes.'(I want this line used at my funeral!)
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper
burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton wool,
then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always
said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he
goooes.'(I want this line used at my funeral!)
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
LENT SONG
(sung to the tune of "Deck the Halls")
1) Ash Wednesday is upon us,
2) Tis the season to repent,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Tis the start of the Lent Season,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Now we give up things we have to,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
And that makes us all feel like poo,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Sing the durges we resent,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Don we now our great big sack cloths,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Now we know that we must "back off,"
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
THE BEST OF MAXINE QUOTES
Contributed by Carol I.
BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED, FOR THEY LET IN THE LIGHT!
TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every damn minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck- is-the-room- spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. (how true)
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! Life is too short and friends are too few!
BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED, FOR THEY LET IN THE LIGHT!
TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every damn minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck- is-the-room- spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. (how true)
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! Life is too short and friends are too few!
...."Don't let yesterday use up too much of today."
Cherokee Proverb
Monday, February 20, 2012
OMG
Contributed by Judy G.
Bi-Partisan approved, available in all sizes. Get one while supplies last!
She is a smart kid.
| Don’t miss the short dialogue below the shirt. |
| OMG takes on a whole new meaning.... |
I was eating lunch on the 20th of February with my 7 year-old granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?"
| She said, "It's President's Day!" I asked, "What does President's Day mean?" I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln ... etc. She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of unemployment." You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose....... |
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
2 WOMAN IN HEAVEN
Contributed by Carol I
1st woman: Hi! Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
2nd woman: How horrible!
... 1st woman: It wasn't so bad.... After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
1st woman: Hi! Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
... 1st woman: It wasn't so bad.... After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
Friday, February 17, 2012
RALPH & EDNA
Contributed by Kevin O.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged,since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry,but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry... How soon can I go home?'
Happy Mental Health Day! You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to an unstable friend...Done my part!!!
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged,since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry,but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry... How soon can I go home?'
Happy Mental Health Day! You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to an unstable friend...Done my part!!!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
THE BUSINESS DEAL
Contributed by Carol I.
A Chinese guy goes to a Jew to buy black bras, size 38.
The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.
He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the Jews remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"
The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to you Jews for $200.00 each."
A Chinese guy goes to a Jew to buy black bras, size 38.
The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.
He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the Jews remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"
The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to you Jews for $200.00 each."
.......and this is why the Chinese own us!
"Business is Business"
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
INSPIRATIONS FOR YOU VALENTINE DAY CARDS
Contributed by Carol I
These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line for a valentine:
Love may be beautiful, love may be blissbut I only slept with you because I was pissed.
I see your face when I am dreamingThat's why I always wake up screaming
Kind, intelligent, loving and hotThis describes everything you are not
I thought that I could love no otherUntil, that is, I met your brother
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with graceIf only you could hide your face
I want to feel your sweet embraceBut don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:Marrying you has screwed up my life
My love you take my breath awayWhat have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tellExcept for maybe "go to hell"
What inspired this amorous rhyme?Two parts vodka, one part lime.
Love may be beautiful, love may be blissbut I only slept with you because I was pissed.
I see your face when I am dreamingThat's why I always wake up screaming
Kind, intelligent, loving and hotThis describes everything you are not
I thought that I could love no otherUntil, that is, I met your brother
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with graceIf only you could hide your face
I want to feel your sweet embraceBut don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:Marrying you has screwed up my life
My love you take my breath awayWhat have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tellExcept for maybe "go to hell"
What inspired this amorous rhyme?Two parts vodka, one part lime.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
VOLUME 1 IS NOW READY
Contributed by Rick O.
And you thought it wouldn’t be published within your lifetime!
With great satisfaction we inform you that the first volume of
"Basic Introductory Manual to Understanding Women" is now available
With great satisfaction we inform you that the first volume of
"Basic Introductory Manual to Understanding Women" is now available
